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Congress may extend daylight savings time

April 7, 2005

Yes, Congress is considering this in order to save energy. Given the high cost of oil right now, saving makes a lot of sense.

Of course, statements such as “The more daylight we have, the less electricity we use,” said [Rep Ed] Markey could be misunderstood by some members of the voting public.

“Well, dang it, why don’t they just make it daylight all the time” said Robert T. Grimley, Jr. “I think Congress is right on track when it comes to controlling the sun and the moon. Let’s just send all that darkness over to Iraq or North Korea –that will teach them a lesson.”

Congress is also considering:

* Making a pound of flesh equal 3/4 of a pound. This will address the horrid obesity problem we have in this country.
* Moving tax filing day to January 3. This way they get the money sooner, helping to alleviate the debt and pay for future social security.
* Not permitting people to be older than 64. Post-64 individuals will be reclassified as “American Seniors” as part of the “Leave No Senior Behind” bill. Likewise, social security does not kick in until age 67.
* Claiming all of the Pacific and Atlantic oceans as the 51st state.

More news to come as we change the atom to use stars and stripes instead of neutrons and electrons.

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